Cabbage Patch Kid lookalike and awful pop singer Sean Kingston isn’t having too much fun currently. That’s because God has revealed himself to exist and try to kill him. Honestly he has. And in fairness to God, he’s done it in quite a spectacular fashion.See, God looked at Sean and wanted to teach him a lesson. When Kingston sang about Beautiful Girls making him suicidal, our Lord God thought he’d give him a taste of death to see if he was being ‘real’ when he sang it.
And so, Sean is now in a critical condition after having a jet skiing accident after he collided with the business end of a bridge in Miami.
The pal of Justin Bieber, along with one other female passenger, was rushed to hospital over the weekend after crashing into a bridge really, really quickly.
Reports are saying that Sean Kingston definitely wasn’t drunk while careering around on his jet ski, but people are muttering about it anyway. There have been no details of what happened formally released.
However, Miami Catholic priest and children’s entertainer, Sean O’Donoimhennesuaghaghiamh, think that this is God’s work.“You see these fellas with their gyrating dancing women – very much like Pan’s People’ that you’d get on the talking box in the 70s, when the Angelus was still good – talking about suicidal feelings, and you can’t help but wonder if ol’ big bollocks in the sky has had a look at it and thought ‘enough is enough’.”
“God, who we know is a beautifully spite filled, vengeful God, probably looked at this warbling wee fella and thought ‘Right. I’ll show you’. Bono once sang that He moves in ‘mysterious ways’… well… there isn’t any mystery about this! It’s as clear as the many chins on his Sean Kingston’s face!”The priest added:
“Seriously though, if he wants someone to pray for him, I’m more than happy to appear on the local cable network to talk about it. We’ve got a two-for-one on funerals as well, so if they should tragically die, they should contact our church, St Dympna’s, and we’ll make sure any trips to Lourdes haven’t been in vain.”The priest then made an Eoghan Quigg ‘vote for me’ face.
A spokesperson for the singer said of the incident:
“Sean Kingston was in an accident today. No further details are available at the moment. He and his family thank everyone for the well-wishes.”Now, we eagerly await to see how forgiving God is.
by on May 31, 2011
Sean Kingston's female jet ski passenger stated: "Sean was driving "REALLY fast" when they crashed into a bridge this weekend ... and insists she begged him to slow down before the accident.
TMZ spoke with Cassandra Sanchez -- Sean's longtime friend -- who stated she arrived to Miami Beach with another female friend to ride jet skis with Sean and his buddy on Saturday evening.
Sanchez stated, "Both jet skis pulled out of the dock at the same time and we were going so fast we just blasted past them. When we turned a corner and crashed ... they were so far behind us they didn't even see us crash."
Sanchez says ... as Sean was racing towards the bridge, she screamed out, "We can't fit under there! Are we going to try and go under there? Sean stop!"
... she believes Sean tried to turn away from the bridge at the last minute ... and
lost control because they were going "REALLY fast."
The next thing Sanchez remembers is waking up in the water in pain. Sanchez says her friends on the other jet ski raced over and tried to help out ... with Sean's buddy trying to position the injured singer so he wouldn't swallow any more water. They all signaled for help until a boat came to the scene to help out.
Sanchez says, "[Sean] was coughing up blood, foam and pink stuff" ... and when he finally opened his eyes, he kept repeating the words, "I'm hurting. I'm hurting"
Sanchez says her ribs and her jaw are still sore -- but overall, she's OK.
As for Sean, Sanchez says "They have a tube down his throat so he can't really talk, but he is lucid and understands what's going on." Sanchez says doctors plan to keep Sean in the hospital for "a couple more weeks."
Update 6/04/2011
Sean Kingston's condition has stabilized is described as "awake and alert" less than one week after crashing into a bridge while riding a watercraft, sources said Saturday.
TMZ reported Saturday that sources said he has a breathing tube in his mouth and is communicating through nods and sign language.
























